Have you ever caught yourself thinking things like:
"I’m not good enough."
"I don’t deserve better."
“I’ll fail anyway so I won’t bother.”
"People are just being nice- they don’t really like me."

Do you find these thoughts hold you back from pursuing new opportunities at work, relationships, or in your personal life? Maybe you compare yourself to others, and assume they’ve got it all figured out, while you’re still “behind”.

If that sounds familiar, you’re far from alone. Low self-esteem is something many people carry silently, and it’s often shaped by past experiences such as trauma, or even messages we picked up in childhood. The good news? Self-esteem isn’t fixed- it’s something you can build, piece by piece.

Here are 6 steps that have helped many clients shift how they see themselves. Along the way, I’ll invite you to reflect personally.

 

1. Catch the Voice of Your Inner Critic

Question for you: What’s something you’ve said to yourself this week that you wouldn’t dare say to a friend?

Most people don’t realise how loud and constant their inner critic is. For one of my clients, let’s call him Mark, it was the phrase: "I’m so behind- I’ll never catch up." This voice ran in the background like a loop until he was encouraged to finally take a step back and notice what his inner critic was saying, he discovered: "Hold on, why am I so harsh with myself? I;d never say that to a friend in my position."

Try this: Start jotting down the things you tell yourself when you’re stressed, embarrassed, or disappointed. Awareness is step one.

 

2. Question the Narrative

Question for you: Is what you believe about yourself factual- or is it just opinion?

Once my client, let’s call her Jane, recognised her inner critic, we worked on challenging it. When she thought, “I never get anything right,” she paused and asked, “Is that true? What about the time I led that team project- or got that compliment from my manager?” The story began to shift.

Try this: Ask yourself: “What’s the evidence for this thought? What might someone who loves me say instead?”

 

3. Aim for the Small Wins

Question for you: What’s one small thing you could do this week that would make you feel proud of yourself- even just a little?

Another client, we’ll call him Jack, avoided speaking up at work meetings. His first small win? Saying one sentence each meeting. That was it. But stepping out of his comfort zone in that small way created momentum.

Try this: Choose something achievable- not impressive. We're striving for consistency- not perfection.

 

4. Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Care About

Question for you: If someone you loved made a mistake, how would you respond?

We are often our own harshest critics. When working with Jane, she began practicing self-compassion by literally saying to herself, “It’s okay to be learning. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now.” It sounded awkward at first- but with time, it began to feel more comfortable (and less cringy!)  

Try this: The next time you catch a negative thought- talk to yourself the way you would a friend. OUT LOUD. Yes, seriously.

 

5. Acknowledge What’s Working

Question for you: When was the last time you gave yourself credit for something?

Too often, we dismiss our wins as “not a big deal.” But every time you put yourself out there, speak up, or try again- that’s something you deserve to celebrate.

I often encourage clients to keep a running list of things they do well each week: sending that email they’re scared to write, making that call, choosing rest. Over time, that list contributes to better self-perception. 

Try this: Every evening, write down one thing you did that you're proud of- no matter how small.

 

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Support

Question for you: What if you didn’t have to figure this out all on your own?

Sometimes, there’s a limit to what you can achieve independently when low self-esteem is all you’ve ever known, and you can’t see the wood for the trees. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a therapist can give you space to explore your thoughts with someone who’s unbiased, supportive, and trained to help you understand where they came from, and how to overcome them.

Try this: If any part of this blog resonated with you, I’d love to offer a free, no obligation telephone consultation.